A Florida Guide To: Visiting

Humor

Published on April 10, 2016

Florida is known as one of America's top vacation destinations, and for good reason! Beautiful beaches, year round sunshine and of course all those big ass, expensive amusement parks.

But a lot of tourists aren't aware of the ins and outs of visiting this great state and how to behave around the natives.

If you are thinking about taking a trip to Florida, here's how to be the best possible tourist.

Proper Attire
Dressing the part is particularly important when visiting Florida. Make sure you get this right. Native Floridians wear things like shoes and pants, but as a tourist you should set yourself apart. Generally speaking, you should basically dress like you've never been in the sun before, because you probably haven't. Since you don't feel comfortable in sandals, wear socks with them to increase comfort and completely negate the point of wearing sandals. Also, make them socks that come up almost to your knees and wear shorts. Doing this makes you look like you know how to dress in warm weather while keeping the comfort and familiarity of wearing shoes and pants. Top the whole outfit off by wearing either obviously too much oily, white sunscreen or not enough so that you are firetruck red within an hour of your trip. Lookin' good!

Trust The Locals
Look, we know Florida gets a bad rap sometimes, but this is just media propaganda. Our state isn't much different than your small midwest town (well, except for the cocaine, murder and rape). Forget the fact that Florida overall has one of the highest violent crime rates in the US, you're on vacation! Get lost, walk into strange neighborhoods, leave your valuables on the beach while you turn your back to float in the water. Why would anyone try to ruin your visit? That tattooed leathery guy who smells like beer? Hand him your $600 smartphone to take your picture, you'll be glad you did, and so will he later on at the pawn shop.

Our State is Really Your State
Probably the most important thing to remember when visiting Florida is that no one actually lives here REALLY. I mean, people live here by definition, but not in the way that people live in say, Ohio. Florida residents don't have real jobs, obligations or normal lives. So don't worry about your oblivious pleasure disrupting anyone's day! Driving down the road and want to take a picture of that weird looking palm tree? Do it! Stop in the middle of the road to do it! Those honks are people cheering you on.

We hope you enjoy your stay in our state, because we sure did!

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