Jake For World Dictator

Humor

Published on April 25, 2018

Why A World Dictator?

For too long, we have been trying to govern the world in the same way; many separate governing bodies, be they countries, city states, or others that in turn must interact and cooperate with each other in one way or another. A few thousand years ago, this may have worked fairly well, but today? Not so much. But why?

In our current times we have united the peoples of the Earth through high speed transportation, mass media, instant communication and many other advancements that mean someone on one side of the world can understand exactly what it's like to live on the other side. This has been incredibly beneficial to our species, however it has also highlighted inequity, inequality and many other differences from one country to the next that would have gone unnoticed before this "global connection".

So I, Jake, propose that we have outgrown the status quo of separate governing bodies. We must DISSOLVE all of these governments and unite as one species, under one flag, all on an equal playing field.

"But Jake, who will lead us?"

I will idiot. That is what this is all about. Obviously people are incapable of leading themselves, so I will lead. I will be the world dictator.

a dictator must be tough
A dictator must be tough to earn respect

Overview Of My Platform

The plan is simple really. Dissolve all the world's governing bodies and establish me, Jake as the world dictator. I shall be referred to as "supreme ultimate most powerful strong and handsome yet brutal dictator Jacob". To accomplish this, I have started a petition which I aim to get 5 Billion signatures on. Once I reach my signature goal, the petition will be submitted to the UN, demanding that all governments be dissolved and I become dictator. Sign that petition now!

Economics

When I am world dictator, everyone will be essentially equal! Except for me of course. I will be above everyone else and will get the first pick of whatever I want. From horses to women to iPhones. But other than that everyone will be essentially equal.

a dictator of the people
A dictator of the people!

Everyone will have a basic quality of life that can be increased by doing favors for the world dictator or by proving bravery against our enemies from outer space.

All currencies of the world will also be eliminated in favor of a new global crypto currency called "moonbucks".

And since there will be no global competition, our new global dictatorship will have the strongest wheat production ever seen!

Dictator should have strong wheat
We will have the strongest wheat

Law and Order

As the world's dictator I will take on the burden of structuring the new law of the land. In this case the law being the entire world. I will also become the final say in any disputes, or infractions.

Once a year I will also hold an event where the worst criminals compete against each other to stay alive for another season. It's kind of like those movies about that except this will be way cooler and more original with big robots and saws and stuff. It will be totally awesome.

dictator must respect legacy
Law and order is important

Security

All citizens of earth will have cameras installed in every room of their dwellings. This feed will be sent directly to me, so as dictator, I can ensure that all my subjects are safe (and not causing problems).

We will also build an incredible military!

Why a military if there is only one government?

Well, it's inevitable that some idiots will get jealous of all my power and I will need to crush them. But I have also been having some nightmares about aliens lately and we need to make sure that when they get here we can also crush them.

A dictator should have strong military
Military might is immensely important
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