In this edition of Muddy Mishaps, we polled some Reddit friends to get some new tales of poopy intrigue. Enjoy! (Oh, and the image for this post is fossilized dinosaur poop! I thought that was neat.)
Staying the night at a friend's house. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst stomach ache ever. I ran to the bathroom to find it occupied.
For some reason my instinct told me to run outside and crap in the bushes. I made it to the front porch when it then exploded out of me.
It was all over my shorts, boxers and the porch. I somehow made it back inside without making a mess and tossed my soiled clothes in the washer. I grabbed my extra clothes and made it to the bathroom (now unoccupied) and showered. I then cleaned the porch as best I could.
Somehow, I did all this without waking anyone up. I'm petty sure they still don't know what the brown stain on their porch is from.
Mother in law and brother in law drove for 5 hours to arrive at our house ridiculously early for a visit, UNANNOUNCED. They let themselves in, UNANNOUNCED. The image burned into their eyes for eternity was my hairy, totally naked body, grunting in the middle of a large dump with the bathroom door wide open.
I was visiting a group of friends who lived right on the Chesapeake Bay. That winter was very cold, and the power was out for over a week. Their pipes froze solid.
I had to drop a duece, so I went outside to do it on the ice behind some bushes. I squatted down and did it. It was a big steamer. As I buttoned up my pants, someone let the big black Lab out (named "Baby"). Baby ran around the yard sniffing at things as dogs do, encountered my still steaming turd, and without so much as slowing down gobbled it right up.
I was mortified, appalled, and quite frankly frightened.
I went back in to tell the guys what had happened when Baby's owner - a very pretty gal named Mary whom I had a huge crush on - appeared and yells "Baby!" and hugs the dog, who then licks her full on the mouth and face.
I didn't say a word.
(In a curious post script, later that spring I gave some of my drug free piss to a guy who lived there who had a drug test coming up - he put it in a fruit juice bottle and Mary accidentally drank it.)
About 12 years old I was at a hockey game with some friends for my birthday. Lineup in the bathroom was taking forever and I shit myself before I got into the stall. I cleaned myself up as best I could and went back out to watch the rest of the game with shit in my pants. I think everyone knew but no one called me on it.
Image credit: Wikimedia Commons